Murderdollie's · Life

Well its just under a year since Ive posted in here. Im now 22, with no job (yet).
I dont know why I havent kept this journal up.
Im now listening to Slayer - Disciple. I still fucking love heavy metal. I live for it.
Im now living with my boyfriend  and Im happy, even though I have the bastard cold from hell at the moment. Oh well.

I was going to write alot more, but I dont know what to say.

Im feeling pretty damn emotional about someone. I dont know. Things hit you harder when your older, even though they are fond memories looking back. Its nuts.

Im umming and ahhhing on this page layout, not tooo keen on it, and im crap with html so I cant adapt it anyways lol.
Things are ok I suppose, not friends with joey anymore, which sucks coz I really like him.
Thats the problem I just like him, nothing more and he cant seem to get his head around that, I mean the blokes mental he just got out of a three year relationship and wants to bounce into another one straight away? Mental Ive only just came out of a 6 month relationship and I dont want to get into another one in a rush pah....
I dont need to be with somebody to feel loved and to validate who I am, and it seems Joey has a problem not realising that. He's alittle lost, but then again, so am I!

Havent written in here for years....um dunno what to say really. Loads of crap has gone on, my ex last night phoned me to tell me he was in the hospital getting treated for depression and slight suicidal tendencies. Bless him, he doesnt deserve it.
Im starting to wonder that is anything positive going to happen in my life soon, coz its all been very negative recently.

I feel like shit today. And i havent wrote in ths for over a year, how scary is that. Ah well ive been ill, my kidneys are fucking up, well they fucked up, and now i only have one kidney. I had it removed on the 10th August, i was in hospital for 6 days which sucked bumage, the food was crap, i longed for a burger king, i have no idea why.
Ive given up drinking and im now on my way to give up smoking, just to help my body out that little bit more. Anywho, im feeling alittle bit better from the op, thank fuck, maybe i can get on with my life now, ive changed so much in the last two years its weird, ive grown up somwhat, but i still like me heavy music, makes me happy :D
Anyways im aching to the bone so im gonna go lie down!

Ok i feel better today, which is cool, i went to norwich yesterday which was marginly amusing,met some friends there and we went to have coffee in Nero's, i love that place they make the best cafe mocha's ever........ive never liked starbucks.......!
Well chris is still off work coz he had his tooth out last tuesday, he's now getting annoyed coz he's going to be skint for the next two weeks, lol so am i, so it looks like its going to be staying indoors for the next two weeks, well he will be i wont lol.........
Im borrowing Coral Fang off my mate Jamie, he's a blooming star i say.......its a fantastic album absolutly amazing, it gets 10 out of 10 cookies from me im tellin ya!
Im also worrying about how im gonna get my critical analysis done for art tomorrow, its so not going to happen at all lol........

I dunno why, i just feel stoned for some strange reason..........its not good.........
I feel sick in the stomach, i dont feel unwell, i think something is really bugging me.........and yes its about a guy...but im not going to say anymore...........

Ah well, i just had a surprise communication exam, it was piss easy........infact i felt insulted at its easyness........so ive probably failed lol.........

I wanna smoke myself to death, even though my life isnt at all bad at the moment........i just feel like.............mneh.......yeah.

Im sure that you guy's know how i feel, or am i just going to be misunderstood............again.......

Im so stuffed i just had 3 cuppa soups and a toffee crisp lol!

Im not upto much at the moment, just focusing on my art project, watching films, going down the pub....oh the fun....

Things with rory have quietened down abit, i think we just need space from each other.........

I also need some new music to listen too, i was watching scuzz the other day and this band called The Rasmus came on, they sounded pretty cool so i may have to look into some of their stuff!

THE RASMUS? WHAT WAS I THINKING ARGH? 26/2/06

Went on the net last night and Rory was on, needless to say he was a little suprise to as why i was online! Well i was round my boyfriends Chris! Chris was saying that Rory was trying to put me on a guilt trip, by saying that he missed me and he messed up! I messed up too! Chris thinks he's trying to pull a fast one on me, I personally dont think so, coz Rory isnt like that at all, well at least i think he's not like that, i hope he isnt! Its all gone abit crazy, its got to the point where Rory cant even handle being round me on the Murderdolls Message board, thats pretty bad, i think he wants to be my friend, but is reluctant to get to close to me! It sucks BIG time!

Any way here's a couple of pics of him, he looks sooo bloody cute!

My god he has a gorgeous smile.........

 

He doesnt realise how much i care for him........

 

Argh, my art teacher is driving me up the bloody wall! I wanted to do rothko, but noooooo she wants me to do the ritual of food..i originally wanted to do religion and study their rituals and then dipict the mood of these rituals into colour displays, such as rothko's blocks of colour....however she thinks i will be more focused if i studied food! Pah i say.......I know eating food is a ritual, but i really dont see the use in it, i dont have any idea's at all and she wants me to do still life sketches, i hate still life with a passion! I really do, i dunno why i just think its just plain boring....i like drawing in pencil dont get me wrong.....but what the hell am i meant to do with food.......maybe i should study the effects of anorexia and what it does to people (no offence to anyone who reads this and has suffered from it)But i think its bloody disgusting.......im getting headache from just thinking about it.....mmmm all i need to do now is research artists who use food in their paintings, coz my art teacher isnt backing down on this one, i cant wait till i go to art college!

 

LYRICALLY AND ARTISTICALLY BLEEDING.......

RIGHTS OF EXPRESSION!

 

Well its another afternoon of boredom, i was gonna go into Norwich today to get some new shoes, but i think i may have to go in tmoz, which will be cool, co im going to get Motley Crue's autobiography The Dirt, i met a guy when i went to see the Distillers and said it chaned his life, i wonder if it will do the same to mine! At the mo im having abit of an identity crisis, my new guy isnt exactly rawk, but he likes the stuff i listen too, he dresses v. smart and i dress like whatever i feel like, alternative you could say! So i feel like a mess kinda everytime im around him, its stupid i know coz appearance doesnt matter, but i feel like im showing him up when i dress like a goth, i dont know.........one part is telling me to dress like a young lady and the other part just doesnt want to change at all, i think that if i change its like im abandoning my culture that ive grown so attached too! mmmmm well i'll need to think this one through! Well my life at the mo is going cool, i got a new art prodject to do, its all about rituals, which is cool.......i suppose i think im gonna do rothko.....i dunno if thats how you spell it, i decided to do that coz ive seen his work close up and i felt at one with myself when i was just surrounded by his paintings, i liked the colours that he used too, auberge and crimson red.......brilliant........hee hee! Well im gonna surf the net for a while so um untill then!

Its sooo pretty isnt it! I just love the colour red........

Well ive had a cool week, things are off with Rory, we're just friends now, we just lived far away from each other and he needed someone close and also he need clingyness too, so i said i couldnt give that to him so.....i wonder if i can get my necklace back!
My arts going ok even though i didnt do anything over the holidays....except spend time whith chris and watch video and going down the pub and working....my life is sooooo exctiting......not!

Im going to see The Distillers today, im soooooo EXCITED......im really nervous actually, dunno why, I wasnt like this when I went to see The Murderdolls, maybe coz its that im going to see them in another venue and not my little venue (Norwich,Waterfront) where its all small and packed and everyone knows each other.......im scared ha ha, but in a good way, we're currently waiting for our lift down there (im going with my best mate Carlene, who's really stressed and nervous too, she's also been complaining about her little toe, in which she ripped the nail off (god knows how she done it, dont ask me!) So anyways......untill I make another entry to tell you what it was like, have fun and dont do anything I wouldnt do!

Take the naughty with the good!

xXx

Im tired, got up at 6 this morning!
Ok in the end i did meet up with Rory (thank god), we had fun, hee hee *giggles and thinks naughty thoughts* ahem, sorry bout that, he make's me feel naughty......we went to the sandwich bar (its a tradition for me) and as usual, Rory says....
"Do we have to"
And so i reply...
"Yes we do, im freezing" Or something like that.
It was an unusual day.....hee hee *is still thinking naughty thoughts*
I told him of how i had a convo with my mate about necr*philia...and stuff like that....t'was fun, anyways we just walked around, went into hmv and Rory wanted to get a CD, and then this song came on and Rory asked me who it was, I couldnt remember who it was, so I was thinking about that for a while, so anyways we went into Virgin....(lol that sounds dirty) and i put these headphones on and skipped to track three, and guess wot the song was, the song me and Rory were enjoying in HMV wooohooo, it was the VON BONDIES....i like that name........
Also towards the end of the day me and Rory, no sorry Rory and I were lazing on a couchin Nero's and I decided that he can borrow my Murderdolls necklace and he was like no dont make me have this, anyways he said this like 5 minutes later "Id only give this, if i wanted some-one to marry me" Kinda makes me laff my head off, he made a deal out of it, I personally see it as me giving him something of mine to just look at and think of me....i got a photo, of him its really cute actually, i may have to scan it and show it to you lot....

IM GOING TO SEE THE DISTILLERS TOMORROW......YAYNESS........

Thats all for now, untill next time my sweeties......good-day.....

xXx

Well the weekend has passed and all i did was work, go down the pub, not get drunk and watched terminator 2......that is all ive done, work was ok apart fromt his bitch called -----....she's peeved me off sooooo much....The pub was ok, played lots of pool! I went round Chris's last night, not much happened,we just smoked ourselves to death, it was fun....
Im abit confused at the mo, i mean its just life in general, i dont know where i stand! I honestly feel lost at the moment, Rory is ment to meet me in Norwich today, but im not sure if he can make it, oh well, i'll just have to go and meet him and if he isnt there, then i'll roam the streets of Norwich alone, ive done it before, so im sure i can do it again.....
Arts going abit better, im skiving it today to see Rory, but i dont mind (he's probably gonna kill me when he reads this - oh well) righto, im going to do some surfing the net, to think of more interesting things to write about!

Um hi, its the morning woohooo, i hate enthusiam, wait no i dont! I stood in my normal spot waiting for the mini bus to pick me up, and 5 cars went past and totaly soaked me...."damn you" I shouted at each and everyoneof them, ppl have no respect for the young ones nowadays.....
I went down the pub last night to watch the lads play a pool tornament, we lost! Big suprise (not) we must be at the bottom of the league!
No matter when i go down that pub i am almost guaranteed stick from the locals and my mates, albeit because im short, the stuff im into, or im just a perfect target to take the piss out of, it sickens me, it really does, but then they say that they all love me........
Also had a few arguments with mum over petty things like the washing up (im so sad) and my bedroom, ahhh i love my mummy i do, even though she thinks its her right to stop me from dying my hair red, i will do it.....someday, when she isnt looking MWAH HA HA HA.......
I also have to do the stage background for the Talent show. its going ok, but finding the time to do it is hard, between surfing the net and failing art!
Oh well......nevermind!

Ugh, i tired....i want to go home, my art prodject is going to rubbish....the only good thing in my life at the momentis actually Rory (bless him he's sooo sweet)
Ahhh,im so bored, doing art all day takes it out of you, and im not used to this whole livejournal thing, but im sure ill get used to it, i allways manage to adapt some how....ok im gonna stop rambling now coz i really dont have much to say lol...